One of the hardest things about being a 'former' counselor is not falling back into counseling mode with friends and acquaintances who are experiencing difficulties. Older and/or competent adults don't always appreciate a friend who suddenly goes into 'helper' mode. I might allow myself a couple of benign questions to get a feel for where the person who is sharing their difficulty is at, but I try my hardest to keep my counselor self at bay. Currently, there are two people I know, a former counseling co-worker and a current professional with whom, I do business, who are experiencing difficult times. The former welcomes my thoughts, reminding her of those things she already knows and the other . . . I'm not sure that she'd appreciate my 'insights' so I'm working hard to keep them to myself. What these two individuals have in common is difficult circumstances they'd like to be on the other side of already.
When I was working directly with clients I liked to use metaphors in the form of personal (and true) stories to illustrate the point I was hoping they would take. So here's the story I'm reminded of by my current friends' situations: When I was 22 years old I spent a year at Ambassador College in Big Sandy, TX where took classes and worked in the stable. As a stable employee I enjoyed the freedom to take a horse out for personal pleasure riding from time to time and I especially enjoyed riding a paint mare whose name I can no longer remember. However, I DO remember two particular days. On one of those days I was just enjoying the ride and whatever my 22 year-old mind was thinking about kept me from keeping watch on the terrain where I was riding. I became aware when the mare I was riding suddenly stopped and wouldn't move any further. Looking around for what was bothering the mare I saw that we had wandered into a large patch of Canada Thistle. Growing up and living in Mesa, AZ, I had no experience with Canada Thistle until I arrived in TX. I was appalled by the nasty stickers they hid. I didn't like being pricked by the thistles so it made sense to me why the mare was unhappy and unwilling to continue moving forward. Here's where the saying 'the only was through it, is through it' comes in. The mare and I couldn't jump, or fly, or time travel out of the thicket of thistle. The only way out of it was to walk through it to the other side. I dismounted and dutifully took the lead and led the mare out of the thicket and began to appreciate the wisdom of the saying. The immediate lesson I learned was to become more aware of my surroundings and the situations I might be contemplating. Sometimes, prickly situations encounter us but we are still responsible for getting to the other side. I have learned to not just put my head down and slog through it, but to keep my head up and looking around because there is so much to learn when the going is prickly. I have learned SO much about other people, perhaps some things I wish I hadn't learned, but I've also learned so much about myself . . . my weaknesses (for sure) but also my strengths and my endurance.
Yes, we can changed radically by the prickly times and situations, but by keeping our heads up and soaking in what the experience has to teach us we are less apt to become negative, disillusioned and angry at the world and more skilled at negotiating the prickly thickets and become stronger and more effective people all around.