A strange thing happened during COVID . . . I got lonely. I've always been an introvert, a loner and very selfish with my time. I like things very quiet and I get along with myself pretty well. There are group activities that I've enjoyed, dog training classes for one, but I've never been a joiner. The dog school folks never understood why I wouldn't join the club, but I hate feeling obligated to participate in anything! In any group there are expectations and I hate having expectations made of my time when I'm not getting paid for it. I want to choose how, and with whom, I spend my time. As a retiree, I have few obligations aside from keeping my living space livable and taking care of the pets. I get together regularly at the dog park with other retirees who are much like me but we have our dogs in common and choose to not discuss politics or religion. The group number fluctuates, but a man with the same name as mine (Kerry) and I, have been the common denominators over the last 8 years. One of the latest members of the group is a former boss of mine but that is pretty comfortable for both of us so doesn't take away from the pleasure of time spent with dog park friends. I get together with my best friend of 40 years for tea and conversation when it fits into her schedule, she is much more social than I, but she's known me longer than anyone else in Fargo and knows me better than anyone (with the exception, perhaps, of my former therapist).
Last year I tried volunteering and the animal shelter around the corner as a kitten socializer but I was a poor volunteer. I didn't like having a time commitment and I found working with the shelter cats to be sad and unsatisfying because of the lack of time to build relationships with the kitties. So MP and I adopted Prickles, one of the harder to place shelter cats, and I quit my volunteer position. I have two groups of former co-workers I get with together for video chats but I don't have to leave my recliner and I can feign illness if I can't bear to share of myself at the appointed time. But during the pandemic, getting together with friends was strained and it was difficult to just take off and drive around . . . just because. At the end of 2019 I had switched hobbies from quilting to crochet (because of Steve, but that's another story) and I remembered an acquaintance (that I met through a former work friend who also came to the dog park) who had invited me to join a Lapcrafters group she was starting. Anyone who enjoyed knitting, crochet or embroidery was invited to attend. She said the group was loosely organized, would meet in people's homes, if they wished, or in the local yarn shops or the library, wherever a quiet space was available from 2pm to 5 pm on Tuesdays. For three years I resisted attending any get togethers because of all of the above reasons and because I didn't know anyone aside from the organizer, Barb, and her, only superficially. But, as I became a little more desperate for human contact other than MP, I finally contacted Barb and arranged to meet with the group when they next got together to knit at a local yarn shop.
What's made it so hard for me is that this group of 7-8 women have known one another for years. They have connections from colleges attended, jobs where they worked together, children who were friends or attended the same schools, etc, and I had none of those connections except for the superficial acquaintance with Barb. I was very intimidated by the thought of gathering with this group of women with whom I had nothing in common except that I crochet. At first I could only be with them for half of the allotted time because I found the chatter overwhelming. Names and places I didn't know, voices I couldn't recognize, children that I was unfamiliar with . . . no shared history. Barb arranged Zoom get togethers for the winter, which I found very helpful and for awhile I missed meetings due to my shelter volunteering, but I am proud to say I have persisted. It helps that the group is so loosely structured. There is no expectation that one must be at the gathering and no expectation that everyone host a gathering now or then or that one must stay the entire three hours. That fits my style and I've made the effort to go and get to know these women, and by doing so we've found more commonalities that we might have expected. Maybe I'll expand upon these commonalities more one of these days, or not, but I'm happy to report that I can still make new friends in my 70's. I just have to make the effort, and I did.
